Voltron: Couch Potatoes
by olivediamond
Summary: While Coran and Allura are gathering supplies on a nearby planet, the Castle Ship is parked just right to receive Earth transmissions. So the Paladins watch some TV.
1. Sirius Satellite, Satellite TV

"So, what you're saying is, we can get TV on this thing now?" Hunk said, pointing to the holographic projector.

The Paladins of Voltron were seated in the main control room on the circular couch, looking at the Alteans standing in front of them.

Allura nodded.

"Yes, due to our position relative to Earth, we're receiving signals we believe are from your planet from about…"

"From about ten years ago, if my calculations are correct!" Coran interjected. He was moving symbols about on a smaller screen in front of him. "And a good thing too, as you'll be stuck onboard the castle for the next week or so while Allura and I go planetside to gather supplies!"

"Supplies?"  
"Like food?"

"Where ARE we?"

"Why can't we go?"  
"What makes you think we're staying behind while you two risk your lives in unknown territory?"  
Lance, Hunk, Pidge, Keith and Shiro asked, respectively, somewhat confused, perking up, somewhat exasperated, bored and aggressively.

"In order" Allura started, looking at Lance "Yes, we only have supplies that keep for a ten thousand years; yes, that would include most food; we're orbiting star number 536,972,697,573, because you are the only humans outside of Earth, and wanted by Zarkon to boot, and because I said so and that's final". She swept her hand and a starmap opened up, highlighting their current location. Pidge immediately started rotating the map to Earth's viewpoint, trying to identify the star by it's Earth name while Shiro stood up, addressing the princess.

"With all due respect, what makes it any less dangerous for the last two Alteans to walk around in the Galra empire?"

Deadpanning, Allura turned her skin tone from caramel brown to olive green.

"Ok, but what about Coran?"

"Oh, don't you worry about me, old chap! Allura is an amateur compared to a regular master of disguise like yours truly!" Coran responded, still not looking up from his screen as he walked out of the room before anyone could ask for a demonstration.

"But we're the Paladins, defenders of the universe!" Shiro continued, undeterred. "We're supposed to defend people, especially people walking into hostile territory!"

In response, Allura calmly walked over to where Lance was sitting,

"Hey princess, what are you doinaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he screamed, being tossed to the ceiling.

"Honestly, Shiro, your concern is touching, but Coran and I are Alteans;" Allura said, turning to Shiro after pitching the blue paladin "We're regarded as one of the strongest species for our size throughout the known universe"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Came Lance's retort . In one fluid motion, Allura caught and deposited him back on the couch, where he lay catching his breath. His life had flashed before his eyes, an event becoming so common he had learned how to skip the boring parts.

Shiro crossed him arms, defeated. "Fine. But I want regular check ins, everyday, at the same time, or we're coming down there, regardless of permission or danger"

"Oh my", Allura gasped, in mock awe as she followed Coran "I had no idea Earthians were such uncelebrated ion canons when it came to protecting and serving!" The doors shut behind her, leaving the Paladins alone.

The star map was adjusted to a more geocentric orientation, where Pidge exclaimed "Sirius! We're orbiting Sirius!"

"So?" Keith asked, looking over. "It's not like we can just take a day trip back to Earth. Zarkon would just follow us back and hold it hostage." He looked up and thought about that for a moment. "Kind of surprised he hasn't already, to be honest."

"Coran's right though! We're about nine light years out, so we could totally intercept Earth broadcast signals and play them back through the interfaces whenever we want!"

Lance dove for the manual projector controls. "Dibs on first watch!"


	2. The Blues Paladins

In the end, only Lance proved persistent enough to work the incoming signals into something the projector could interpret and display. Even the technical minded Pidge gave up after three hours work yielded some amateur radio club's broadcast

 _Greetings to all fellow radio enthusiasts slash aficionados! We are the Junior HAM Association of Boise Ida-_

Click.

Pidge shut off the audio function and stomped away, frustrated at the series of taunting failures. For one tantalizing moment in the middle of the second hour, they had gotten an image, only to realize they were watching the hallway security cameras.

"What's wrong, Pidge? That last one hit a little too close to home for you?" Lance said, waist deep in the wires of the projector.

"No! It's just stupid that we're wasting our time like this instead of training, or resting up, or doing literally anything else productive!"

"Oh come on" Lance crawled out and sat up, leaning against the seats. "With all that stuff you built at the Garrison, there's no way you didn't belong to some radio or AV club or something."

"I was not!"

"What was your handle? The Pigeon?"

"No! It was…" Pidge started to object, and sputtered off as she realized what she had said.

Lance jumped up, grinning ear to ear "Oh my God, you were! You actually were!"

"Shut up!" Pidge sulked, and turned on her heel to stomp out the door.

"Wait, you gotta tell me, what was it? The Guns? The Viking? Mul-" His head jerked back and he fell onto the couch, quieted by the impact of a well aimed green slipper to the face.

"STOP TALKING!" Pidge was more hunched over, her hands balled into fists while she ground her teeth. She straightened and took a deep breath. "Besides, we don't know even if we CAN get television, or even tune into a specific signal! That club broadcast might have just been a freak accident!"

"But Allura said-"

"If you had LISTENED to what Allura had said instead of just looking to Hunk for the Cliff Notes, you'd know that we're getting transmissions, but they're all scrambled! Or messed up from cosmic radiation! Or if Altean technology is just incompatible with Earth's!" Pidge threw up her hands in frustration before turning and exiting through the doors. "I'm going to go get some food. I'll see you later"

As the doors closed, Lance watched her leave absentmindedly. He had never really considered failure an outcome, and it had gotten him down. Team Voltron didn't have failures-they had setbacks.

Quietly, he crawled back under into the mess of wires and electronics.

***

 _She caught the Katy / And left me a mule to ride / She caught the Katy/ and left me a mule to ride_

"Flippin' _sweet!_ " Lance exclaimed, jumping up onto the couch to watch whatever he had managed to put on.

 _Now my baby caught the Katy / And left me a mule to ride / The train pulled out/ I swung on behind_

It had taken six more hours of rewiring, reverse engineering and plain guesswork since Pidge left, but he had finally gotten a television signal to correctly display on the holographic projector.

In Russian.

From there, it was only another three hours to find the signals that could be understood. Lance sighed. Twelve hours total – hardly anything compared to the time he was going to spend using it.

 _Crazy 'bout her / That hard headed woman of mine_

The doors opened, and Hunk walked in carrying a tray of food large enough to feed any three members of the team.

"Hey buddy, I didn't see you at dinner, and Pidge said you were still working, so I figured I'd bring you something to eat, but I didn't know what you'd want so I… hey, you got it working"

"Yeah, isn't it great?" Lance said as Hunk made his way over to the couch and sat down, setting the tray of food between him and his best friend. Lance's eyes never left the film. "It took awhile, but it's gonna be so worth the time I put into it"

 _"You traded the Bluesmobile for this?"_

 _"No, a microphone"  
"A microphone?...ok, I can see that"_

"So what's on?" Hunk asked as he grabbed a handful of something from a bowl.

"No idea!" Replied Lance cheerfully. He was still riding the high of accomplishing something. "I missed a little bit, but I think this is still the beginning."

A few minutes later, with the lights turned off to really appreciate having a new movie room in the castle ship, Hunk whispered .

"Hey Lance?"

"Yeah?"

"I just want to let you know, I would totally drive a car through a mall for you"

"Aw, thanks bud, that means a lot to me"

A few minutes passed, with both paladins engrossed in the film.

"Hey Hunk?"

"Yeah?"

"I just want to let you know, I would totally try to buy some square's children so that we could get the band back together and save the day"

"Thanks man, you don't know how much that means to me"

 _Warden through a party in the county jail/ The prison band was there and they began to wail/ The band was jumpin' and the join began to swing / You should've heard them knocked out jailbirds sing_

The lights came back on as the movie ended, while the two paladins stretched from sitting for so long. The food between them had been demolished.

"Man, what a good movie." Hunk casually mentioned.

"No, what a GREAT movie!" Objected Lance. "It had music, action…"

"Comedy, camaraderie…"

"A message about how a team can form together, despite how different they are…"

"And together with their own unique talents, overcome any adversity…"

Hunk and Lance stopped talking and stared at each other, smiles slowly spreading across their faces.

"I KNOW WHAT WE NEED TO DO!" They both exclaimed simultaneously, eyes shining like stars.

Three paladins stared at the note left in the dining area.

"Fabulous Rhythm and Blues Revue" Keith read for the third time. "Control room, ASAP. Bring your friends"

Pidge brought her hand to her face while Shiro leaned back in amusement. "What are those dorks up to now?" She said

"Oh, come on Pidge, they're not that bad." Shiro replied Some of their ideas are even kind of funny sometimes"

"Their last 'fun plan' flooded an entire room with that green food goop! It took forever to clean it up, and the room still stinks!"

"It wasn't that bad of an idea, just poorly execu-"

"They were trying to build a **pool** in **my room**. We have plenty of water and empty rooms! We were never short of water and empty room!" Pidge threw up her hands.

Keith sighed and started walking. "Well, we might as well get this disaster over with"

As the trio opened the door to the control room, they noticed two things: one, it was completely dark except for a spotlight focused on the opposite side of room. Second was who was in the spotlight.

Hunk and Lance stood completely still, looking dead ahead at the door. Somehow, they had acquired black suits and ties, white dress shirts, fedoras and glasses. Hunk snapped his fingers and a bright slide guitar started playing.

Then the horns started.

Both of them started kicking and flailing wildly, yet rhythmically. Lance kicked and jived his way to in front of Hunk and produced a hairbrush from his pocket. He started to sing into it:

 _"Comin' to ya, on a dusty road / good loving, I got a truck load / and when you get it, you got something / so don't worry, cause I'm coming_

"What the f-" Keith and Pidge muttered while Shiro looked on bemused, chuckling behind his freaky robotic hand. Meanwhile, Hunk had pulled out his own hairbrush, joining in for the chorus

 _I'm a soul man_

"Where did they even get the suits? " Pidge asked "We're almost nine light years away from the nearest decent tailor."

Meanwhile, Lance had gone back to singing the verses and walking back and forth while Hunk mostly danced behind him and came in on the chorus, doing everything from flailing, to the robot to the running man. There was a short instrumental section where Hunk and Lance joined hands and tangoed/jumped their way to the other paladins before reversing and going back the other way in time for the harmonica solo. They had somehow failed to produce a harmonica, so Hunk just mimed playing one into his hairbrush.

 _I'm a soul man_

 _I'm a soul man_

 _I'm a soul –_

There was a small break signaling the end of the song. Lance attempted to jump and land on splits while hunk was content with taking a knee and jazz hands.

 _-maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan_

They finished and were breathing a little hard, hands still out stretched.

"That was the dumbest ting I've ever seen" said Keith and walked out the door.

Shiro was lightly clapping. "That was well put together guys, you should be proud of yourselves. I'll see you all tomorrow for training" he said, and walked out the door.

Pidge was glaring. "I'll find where you got those suits, and whatever else you've been hiding from me. Including how you two filled a room to the brim with green goop" she said, and walked out the door.

Lance scrambled to his feet and ran, catching the doors as they were closing.  
"Wait, where are you going!?" He yelled out "That was only the first song, we still got like ten more to go!"

((A/N

Thank you all for the responses and telling me how formatting works on here. I didn't think anybody would actually read this.

That being said, while I have a few ideas, I'd welcome any suggestions as to movie/character pairings.

More to come!))


	3. Paladins

It was early morning, as far as there are mornings in space. The Castle of Lions orbited a small planet orbiting Sirius, and saw the star rise and set from northwest to south east. The inhabitants could see constellations no Earthling had ever seen. Five Earthlings had found proof of alien life, visited planets and moons capable of supporting human life without the need for a spacesuit and piloted technology not only more advanced than any human technology, but the most advanced in the universe.

And it all paled in comparison the novelty of a television.

Hunk sat in front of the screen with a bowl of breakfast.

 _We're looking at a bright sunny weekend, with a high of 85 and a light breeze today and Sunday, a great weekend to get out and enjoy-_

The doors slid open and the green paladin shuffled in, eyes half closed. She climbed over the back of the couches and curled up on her side next to Hunk.

"Morning Pidge! You're up early! Want some breakfast?"  
"Hrm" Pidge grunted.

"Ok, that's cool, maybe later. Just gonna chill out and watch some TV then?"  
"Hrm"  
"Yeah, he'll probably hog it later, but he was up, like, twenty hours yesterday setting it up and stuff"

"Hrm"  
"What? It's comfy and it reminds me of home" Hunk said, gesturing towards the weather channel. "When I was with my family, my mom and dad would always watch the weather first thing in the morning. Said it paid to be prepared."  
"Hrm" Pidge sat up and leaned against her companion, knees to chin.  
"Yeah, I know I'm a dork, and I love you too buddy. Here, let's watch something else" Hunk pressed a button on the manual controls and the image changed.

The screen flashed for a moment before showing a messy black and white room.

 _"Why don't you call Randal?"_

 _"All right, so even if independent contractors are working on the Death Star, why are you uneasy withits destruction?"  
"All those innocent contractors hired to do a job were killed- casualties of a war they had nothing to do with."_

"I never thought about it like that" Pidge commented, having since woken up and speaking clearly.  
"Yeah. It's a good thing the Galra are mostly robots though, right?" Hunk asked rhetorically, only to be greeted by a pregnant pause by Pidge. "Right?" He looked at her expectantly.  
"Well…" Pidge faltered, and gazed absentmindedly at an upper corner of the room "I mean, yes, while most of the ground troops we've seen have **seemed** to be robots, we only really know after they've been eliminated, and in the lions, it's especially hard to see what was hit by your laser". Hunk paled visibly. "Oh, and I guess I've definitely pushed Haxus into a generator thing, which is pretty hard to survive, and Shiro flushed Sendak into space. Not to mention we've taken out some beasts with Voltron, and those were definitely –"  
"I'M NOT READY TO BE A KILLER, PIDGE! I JUST DON'T HAVE IT IN ME" cried Hunk, shaking the much more petite paladin by the shoulders. He was visibly upset, and the corners of his eyes were glistening.

The two clerks were joined by a roofer, and continued their conversation.

"Hunk, calm down!" Pidge pleaded. Her room was spinning, she was feeling nauseous, and could barely hear the movie over Hunk's blubbering. Hunk did stop, to his credit, but was still holding Pidge. He sniffled. Pidge glanced at the screen. It had gotten her into this, it was going to get her out.

 _"A roofer listens to this… not his wallet."_

"The Galra are… the aggressors" She was speaking slowly, making the rationalization up on the fly. "And we're the defenders. So some people are going to get hurt because of us, but we're doing it so that more people are safe" Flinching, she prepared for another shaking, but the yellow paladin let go and stared thoughtfully at the ground. Pidge kneeled up on the couch to put her arm around Hunk's shoulders . She patted awkwardly a couple of times. "It's ok Hunk… we're not the Galra"

 _" You know what the real tragedy about all this is? I'm not even supposed to be here today!"_

"Isn't that the truth?" Pidge mumbled, looking down with a scowl.  
"What's that, bud?" Hunk had come out his funk shortly after the Death Star discussion, and had chuckled through the rest of the film.

Pidge curled up again and continued to grimace at the floor. " _'I'm not even supposed to be here today'_ " she quoted. "That describes our lives since we left Earth, doesn't it? Rescue Shiro from government interrogation; escape government agents to avoid getting sent to a super jail or something; find lions or be captured by aliens; fight aliens or be captured by aliens." The green paladin growled in frustration and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Yeah, but…we're the good guys, remember? We're saving people from Zarkon"

"I know! I know…" Pidge gripped her hair tighter. "And that should be enough! But it's not; I want choices again. I'm tired of every decision being life or death, and holding up the cosmos on my shoulders" She sighed and relaxed, burying her face in her knees. "Is it bad that doing good isn't enough for me anymore?"

Hunk looked at the green paladin for a moment before placing a large hand on her back and gently rubbing.  
"You know, one of my grandmothers had a saying. ''A'ohe loko…loko….' Well, anyways, it meant something like every good act is rewarded. And, I know it's not much to go on now, but someday when we finally beat Zarkon, we can look around and relax in a much safer universe. " Pidge relaxed visibly.  
"And besides, is it really so bad? You get to hang around with me, Lance, Shiro, Keith, Allura, Coran, the mice, Green, Yellow,-"  
"Okay, okay!" Pidge laughed and playfully pushed Hunk back. She succeeded in pushing herself sideways onto the couch. After a good hour and a half of couch jockeying she stood up and stretched up and down. "I still haven't eaten today. Make me breakfast?"

"Only if you really admit that you really do love us" Hunk teased, getting up himself and grabbing his empty bowl.  
"Fine! I love you all!" Pidge play sulked, a smile playing at her lips.  
"Nope! Not good enough! I want to hear you say 'I love Hunk, and I love Shiro, and I love Lan-'"

"Shut up!" Yelled Pidge, trying to push the larger paladin towards the door.  
Complying with being manhandled towards servitude, Hunk walked towards to door.

"What you don't love us? Not even the mice? You gotta love the mice"

((A/N  
Sorry for the delay. Traveled for the holidays, and I scrapped the original draft of this chapter. Pidge and Hunk watched 'Ghostbusters', and I got a ways into it before I realized they didn't really do anything with it.

Suggestions appreciated for further chapters. ))


	4. Paladins of the Carribean

Chapter 4

The shortest and widest paladins had been gone for a couple of hours by the time Keith opened the door to the main control room. He quickly looked back and forth for any one, or one in particular. He had started to learn the personalities of the others, and knew Lance would gloat over having figured out how to receive the Earth signals before him. Seeing no one, he walked in and sat down on the couch before fiddling with the controls to figure out how to turn it on.

A short time later, Keith was watching titles float up the screen, trying to decide on what looked interesting. Seeing something interesting, he flipped to the appropriate channel. A small girl on a ship sailed towards the screen out of a fog.

 _Drink up me 'earties yo ho! We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot. Drink up me 'earties yo ho! Yo ho, yo ho a pirate's life for me_

A man suddenly grabbed her shoulder when the door to the room slid open. Keith was paying attention to the film and barely registered it.

"Hey, who's using the TV, I was going to-oh my God"

Lance walked in holding a large glass, positively giddy with a grin that near wrapped around his head. He clambered over the back of the couch, setting his drink down and stared at Keith. The red paladin noticed out of the corner of his eye and glanced back.

"What?"  
"yiiiiiiiiii, you're using the thing I made!" Keith scowled slightly.  
"So…?"  
"So I'm better than you at something!" Lance jumped off of the couch and started pumping his arms and high stepping. "And you admit it!" He switched up his endzone dance to what looked like knocking knees while his arms went back and forth in an Egyptian fashion.

Keith sighed in annoyance and went back to watching the film while Lance strutted the gloat out of his system. The screen had changed and there was a boy floating in the water.

 _"This is either madness or brilliance."  
"It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide."_

"Ha!"  
Lance almost jumped at the uncharacteristic sound coming from Keith. He stared, perturbed. A few moments passed and the two men were threatening to commandeer the ship before Keith noticed.  
"What?"

"You… laughed" replied Lance. "You never laugh, and it's creeping me out"  
"It was funny!" The red paladin gestured towards the screen. "It was funny! That's the way half of our missions go!"  
Lance stared on.

"Whatever" Keith said, resuming a scowl and turning back to the film.

 _"You can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can't"_

There was peace and easiness in the room again when The pirate offered the blacksmith a sword. Both paladins were slouching against the couch looking at the projection, Keith with his arms folded, and Lance spreading his on the back, balancing his glass of nunvill loosely.  
"I don't get it" Lance said, not breaking eye contact with the entertainment. "The guy gets told he's a pirate and he whines about it? What's not to love about being a pirate? "  
Keith didn't look away either, but his voice was slightly quieter than it was before. "A lot of things"  
"What? Name three"  
"Ok" Keith shifted up a bit, apparently uncomfortable speaking in his earlier pose. "One: You have to hear about how awful pirates are wherever you go. Two: If you ever revealed yourself to be half-pirate, everyone you know would turn their backs on you, so you have to keep it a secret. And three: If even half of the things they say about your species are true, you know deep down how evil you really can be."

His voice had gotten tense near the end and, if Lance didn't know better, sounded close to breaking. He glanced at Keith at the corner of his eyes and noticed the red paladin was no longer watching the film, but had found something down and away on the ground very deserving of his attention. His hands were gripping his arms tighter.

This was firmly outside his comfort zone. This wasn't your normal everyday uncomfortable situation, this was advanced discomfort. Pidge talking advanced. Heck, maybe even Pidge engineering advanced. Lance ran through his options: What would Team Voltron Do (WWTVD?™)?

Shiro: Say something about we're a team, teams stick together because your teammates are always on your team. Maybe a pat on the back?

Allura: A hug while trying to hide her obvious longing for a certain sharpshooter.

Keith: Scowl.

Hunk: A teary bear hug while affirming he was always there for him.

Pidge: Something brutally honest before dorking it up adorably, then messing that up and going back and trying to fix it.

Coran: Bizarre, confusing Altean proverb that doesn't really apply here.

Lance scanned through all his options. None of them were really right for him, yakno? He absentmindedly swished the liquid inside his glass. He glanced over at it.

"Hey" Lance tapped Keith's shoulder with the drink before holding it out. Keith looked over. "Want some nunvill?"

Giving the glace a quick glance before taking it and slugging down a large gulp of it. The revulsion was clear on his face and he handed the glass back over. "I still don't know how you drink that." He casually mentioned.  
"Oh yeah, it's awful, but nothing's as disgusting as it to really wake you up in the mornings. Plus, it makes you really appreciate not drinking it."

In his head, Lance pumped his fists and did a victory dance. Crisis averted with so little homo there wasn't even a need to affirm no homo with Keith. Lance knew it was only a gross drink, but he also knew that this could be the start of a wonderful bromance. Not Lance-Hunk level bros, but getting there.

 _"…what the Black Pearl really is…is freedom."_

Both paladins were struck by the short speech. The idea of total freedom was something both wanted, but neither were sure how to achieve.

Lance's larger family meant that he was expected to help out and contribute to the household. Though he loved them very much, it was frustrating that even dinner had unspoken obligations attached to it. Even when he had permission to go spend time with his friends in the evening (and doubly so when he snuck out) it seemed like someone resented him for not being there, and missing out on another life-changing milestone in their life. Between that and household chores, it seemed to Lance the only free time he got was whatever he could bargain for or sneak.

The garrison had been the largest step to his independence, and he had quickly gotten drunk off of his newfound freedom. Other students complained about the rigorous schedules and tough courses, but Lance thrived. So long as you weren't blatantly breaking a rule, it seemed to him, nobody cared what you did. Even if you were, it was easy enough to not get caught (or rather punished. Enough of the faculty had been students there once to turn a blind eye to a certain amount of shenanigans. Lance misattributed this to his ninja-like stealth and stellar charm). No one had to be scheduled to watch abuela, papa wasn't there to need help in the yard or garage, his siblings couldn't spring sudden and urgent request for favors, please please please, just this once, I'll do dishes for a week. Still, the garrison had him contained in the building except for brief field exercises. It wasn't enough for Lance.

Keith had more exploration in his youth than Lance, but it was almost entirely a matter of survival, never choice. Moving in the middle of the night under the cover of darkness to escape some unseen enemy, his father carrying him was he was too young to keep up. Harsh lessons drilled into him from a young age. Days spent camping out, either observing some area before making a move or because there was nowhere else to go. It wasn't freedom, it was survival.

The garrison had taken the stress off of that once he joined. Meals were ready, and not something to be scavenged for. Knowledge and lessons of whatever he wanted could be sought out when he wanted, not forced upon him when it was necessary. Hell, even a regular sleeping space that didn't require a fire to keep him warm through the night was an upgrade. Still, the garrison was only going to funnel him into being their pilot, too narrow and constricting of a road. It wasn't enough for Keith.

And now both of them were Team Voltron. Their lions were some of the fastest ships in the universe, and if that wasn't enough, the Castle of Lions could open a wormhole to almost anywhere. Absolute freedom was both tantalizingly close and impossibly far, the closest and furthest either of them had been to it. The means were there, but they had a duty to fight Zarkon and defend the universe. Only after defeating the Galra Empire could they live as they wanted.

"So… when we defeat Zarkon, what are you gonna do?" Lance asked as casually as he could.

"I don't know," answered Keith, equally cool and casual. "Probably try to dig up some stuff from my past. You?"

"Dunno. Might cruise around, pick up some ladies, really surf the whole 'Defender of the Universe' wave while I can before just relaxing on a beach somewhere for a long, long time. Your plan sounds good though"  
"Yeah, yours too"

 _"Are you accepting the Commodore's proposal?"_

"Oh-ho, snap! I did **not** see that one coming!" Lance yelled, fist over his mouth, leaning forwards.  
"What?"

"Her choosing the navy dude! Thought for sure she was going to pick the pirate dude"

"What?" What was Lance going on about now?  
Lance threw his hands up, almost spilling his nunvill. "Oh, come on! Even you've had to have noticed the love-triangle-square thing they've been building up here!"

Keith blinked.  
Giving a sigh of exasperation, Lance launched into an explanation. "So the girl there is the governor's daughter, and her dad and the navy dude want her to marry the navy dude because they're both after status and the navy guy has money. So he's really the 'safe, but boring and socially acceptable' option for her. The blacksmith is looooonging for her, but hasn't had the guts to tell her, but they're definitely close. He's the 'childhood friend you develop feelings for after an adventure'. Then the pirate captain comes in and he's really something different to her, the 'bad boy' option. So now she has to choose between them"

Keith said nothing, but went back to watching the film, either satisfied with the review, or not wanting Lance to launch into another spiel.

However, Lance had apparently continued on that line of though.

"Hey Keith, Miriya Sterling or Ginger Ellington?"  
"What?"  
"Miriya or Ginger? You know, from the Garrison"  
"I don't know what you're talking about"  
"C'mon, it's a bonding moment! Just between us."  
"Miriya or Ginger?"

"Yeah!" Lance beamed.  
Keith thought a moment, looking down hand to chin. "Well…Miriya has better eyes…but Ginger is far more aggressive…" Lance leaned forwards, hanging on every word. Keith nodded, confirming "So I'd pick Miriya as my gunner and Ginger as my navigator."

Lance near fell off of the couch. "What!?"  
"I know it's counterintuitive, but hotheads make poor fighters. They loose sight of the big picture." Lance recollected himself.  
"That's not what I meant!" Keith looked towards the blue paladin, confused and frowning. "You have to choose, you know, who you'd want to get with!"

"We're not talking about teammates?"

"No! Why would you think that?" Lance was raising his voice in disbelief.

"Because that's what was happening in the movie!" Keith said, matching his volume.

"What?!"

"What!?"

"The movie isn't talking about who's she's gonna adventure with, it's talking about who's she's gonna get with!"

Keith blinked. Lance might as well have been trying to start another cheer.

"You know" Lance moved his hands up and down over his hips. "Bow-chica-wow-wow?"

…

"Schwing?", accompanied by a small pelvic thrust.

…  
"Fine, ask me, I'll show you how it's done!" Lance took a small sip of nunvill  
"…Pidge or Allura?"

To his credit, Lance did not spit out the nunvill across the room or in Keith's face. He did however, manage to choke on it, sending him into a coughing fit that doubled him over. He recovered and gasped out "Way off limits!"

Keith had scooted away during the spewing and asked from a safer distance "What? Why? We've worked with both pairs"

"Yeah but…" Lance floundered. "You know, it's just different! Allura's an alien princess who's super strong and stuff!"

"Ok, so what about Pidge? Human, garrison, girl, just like Miriya and Ginger."

Lance stood and threw up his hands, waving the empty nunvil glass around. "Pidge is totally different from them! She's smart, and resourceful, and brave, and, and, and a bunch of other stuff too, ok?!"

Keith watched Lance's overreaction with almost a hint of…amusement? "So…Pidge?"

"Yes! … I mean no! … I mean shut up!" He violently plopped himself back down to sulk, crossing his arms.

The film finished as the dashing trio made their escapes in their own ways from the powers that be. Lance had come out of his sulk, but only just. He picked up his glass from the floor and stood up.  
"Good movie" commented Keith.

"Yeah" Lance agreed. "Could have had more guns though."

Keith ignored what seemed to be bait and walked around to exit the room. Lance followed.

"So, what are you up to now?" Lance asked.  
"I was going to go see if anyone was using the training deck, get some drills in before lunch. "

"Oh, cool"

…

"Want to spar? "  
"Sure. Just don't go whining about codes and rules when I beat you."

((A/N

So I guess the takeaway here is don't get into writing if you have a full time job.

Word to /co/ for providing the name of Miriya based on a cameo in episode one.

Word to The_Qing ( /works/7364662) for providing the name of Ginger. Bug him about continuing writing.

As always, suggestions/comment/criticisms appreciated))


	5. The Paladins of Oz

Chapter 5

Dinner had been prepared by Hunk, and was being enjoyed quietly by three of the five paladins sitting next to each other. The doors slid open and the other two walked in, silently glaring at each other. Shiro noticed Keith was holding his left arm gingerly and a swollen left cheek. Pidge noticed Lance was favoring his right leg, and had a black right eye. Hunk noticed that they pointedly sat as far away from each other as they could on the same side, where they could not see each other.

The quietness of the room went from comfortable to chill. Keith reached left in front of Shiro and slowly dragged a plate of foot in front of himself. Not to be outdone, Lance reached right in front of Pidge and drew a plate even slower, filling the room with an aggressive, pointed, accusatory silence and scraping dishware. Pidge glanced left at Lance, then right towards Keith. Hunk glanced towards Keith, then Lance. Lance glared at the wall across from him and knew in his heart that Keith and his stupid looking mullet were doing the same thing. Keith scowled at the wall in response. It was a testosterone-fuelled game of pride chicken, and they both knew it without saying a word. The first man to make eye contact or try to broker peace in any way was more emotional than the other, and thus, the weaker man. Games had been known to last lifetimes, with explicit instructions left in will to not be buried in the same cemetery.

Shiro tightly closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with his freaky, unnatural hand and knew it was going to be one of those days.

Fittingly as the heaviest, Hunk was the first to break the ice. He cleared his throat loudly.  
"So, does anyone have any plans this evening or something? I mean, if we're all free we could all sit down play a board game, tell jokes or-"

"Well **_I_** was going to spend the evening with my best friends in the whole wide universe, Pidge and Hunk" Lance announced unnecessarily loudly, attempting to put an arm across both their shoulders. Due to his average stature, however, he managed only to barely touch Hunk's closest shoulder while draping himself awkwardly over Pidge, who froze at the close contact. Undaunted by his position ear to ear with the green paladin, he continued.

"And I think it's only right that I extend the invitation to Shiro, our kind and wise leader, so he can get to know the better part of Team Voltron!"

Shiro's nose was dangerously close to breaking when he felt a hand land heavily on his right shoulder. Keith had stood up, glaring at the space over Lance's shoulder.

"Well that's just _fine_ , because _Shiro_ and I were going to go over flight maneuvers and battle strategies!" Lance stood in response to this perfectly reasonable evening activity.

The red and blue paladins absolutely did not glare at each other, as any eye contact signified surrender. Each focused on a space slightly in front of the other's face. Tensions rose. Shiro's hands slid over his face as he gave up. Pidge's heart was beating faster than normal as her head was pressed against Lance's chest. Hunk's mind raced. Shiro wondered how they ever managed to form Voltron. Keith's blood ran cold as he considered launching himself at Keith. Lance's blood ran hot as he tried to hold back from throwing a dish as Keith. Pidge felt like she was running a fever. Hunk stood up.

"Maintenance!" He shouted, looking dead ahead. Shiro, Lance and Keith looked up at him, momentarily distracted while Pidge had started to breathe deeper. It felt like she in English class again, having to read poetry in front of the class. She was sick, she knew it.

"Uh, yeah, so, Shiro, Pidge and I are supposed to do castle maintenance while Allura and Coran are gone, so…. " He paused a moment to see if Keith and Lance were buying it. No one had moved. "we're gonna go do that now, bye!" and he grabbed Pidge and Shiro to rush out the door.

"…"  
"…"

"Did Hunk just leave food at the table?" Lance asked incredulously, staring down at the heap of food still on the yellow paladin's plate.  
"I think so"

A Pidge over his shoulder and a Shiro being led by the arm behind him, Hunk stopped quickstepping once he got to the bridge. He carefully deposited Pidge next to Shiro, where she adjusted her glasses. Her pulse was still faster than normal, but she no longer felt anxious or nervous. Mentally, she made a note to really check the composition of what the paladins were eating on a day-to-day basis.

"Way to get us out of there. Good thinking, Hunk" complimented Shiro. "Now, any idea of what's gotten into Lance and Keith?"

"I don't know so much about Keith, but Lance gets, like, super sullen when he thinks he's not winning a competition. He once heard one of the cadets bragging about working in a massage parlor, then spent a month learning everything about them." Hunk stretched his shoulders back with a small grunt. "But let me tell you, my back never felt so good. It's like he-"

"Lance is a masseur?" Pidge asked, surprised, snapping back to the conversation. As he opened his mouth to reply, she cut him off again. "Nevermind. We can find out what happened between Lance and Keith using the Castle's security systems." She walked over and sat herself at one of the computer terminals.. Twisting her interlaced palms out to give her knuckles a good crack, she adjusted her glasses and quickly clickety-clacked her way through the castle's network.

A dozen squares of so of security footage popped up before the trio, as Shiro and Hunk stood on either side of Pidge's seat.

"So this is us now…" She said, pointing to a square where she was pointing to a square where she was pointing to a square from a far over the shoulder view. Hunk turned around to face where he thought the camera should be, but didn't see anything. Hunk in the square stared at the back of Hunk's head recursively.

"…And so we just need to find them then…" Pidge fiddled with a dial and they watched Shiro being pushed backwards out of the room by Hunk. Pidge's finger moved towards another screen, and another, seeing Keith and Lance moodily wait for Shiro, Pidge and Hunk to enter the room and seat themselves before pushing their food towards the center of the table and walk backwards out of the room. The novelty of everything happen in reverse real time wore off, and Pidge gave the dial a casual couple of spins.

By happenstance, the recording just started playing to watch Lance and Keith prepping in the training room. Keith was swinging a training sword experimentally, getting a feel for its weight while Lance was adjusting his Bayard, presumably to a lower setting. His voice came confidently through the speakers.

"Alright Keith, prepare to see how a real pirate fights." Lance assumed a wide footed stance facing Keith, head slouched and hung his Bayard on his waist. His fingers wiggled from his slightly raised arms, itching to grab and fire.

Keith smirked in response. "Remember, you need to reload, just like a 'real pirate'." He lowered his stance while bringing his training sword up. "On three"

"One" Lance's hand relaxed

"Two" Keith's grip tightened

"Three!"

The Bayard was in Lance's hand and lined up as Keith sprinted towards him. He pulled the trigger and dropped it to his waist, indicating a reloading or switching weapons. The shot itself would have hit Keith square in the chest had he not dive rolled. He sprang up and brought his sword back to swing. He was yards away when the Bayard started to come back up, and Keith leapt in the air to deliver a devestating overhead blow.

His feet had not moved from their starting position by the time Keith had jumped. Lance had no time to aim before the blow would be struck. He leaned back to give himself just a little more time… but also raise his gun slightly faster as he fired his second shot from the hip.

There was a shocking sensation among Keith's left arm before it went numb. He hadn't expected Lance to actually be able to fire fast enough, and the surprise caused him to lose focus. What would have been a match-ending vertical strike became a reflexive horizontal one as Keith grunted in pain.

The flat side of the blade hit Lance upside the head and he stumbled to his right, dazed. Keith had landed awkwardly and was on a knee getting up, back towards Lance.

Pidge, Shiro and Hunk watch the screen wide eyed. Hunk was scarfing down some small snack he had acquired by the handful, completely engrossed. Shiro was impressed that Lance was training without having to be told, and that Keith was actually training with someone. Pidge just seemed shocked.

Meanwhile in the past, Keith had recovered first and was moving towards Lance, letting his left arm hang. Lance was holding his head, crouched over. The red paladin brought his sword up to swing down once again as the footsteps Lance heard finally made sense to him. He twisted around and up, swinging his Bayard to clash with Keith's sword. The weapons remained locked as the combatants tried to stare each other down.

"Ready to give up?" Asked Lance, smirking. Keith may have had more leverage with a longer weapon, but Lance was able to hold his Bayard with two hands.

"Not quite" Keith responded before cocking back his left arm and decking Lance's unguarded face. His arm had still been numb, and was not as coordinated, but still managed to make solid contact around Lance's right eye. Lance staggered back for the second time, covering his eye with his right hand. Keith took the advantage and swept Lance's left leg to knock him over.

Lance would call what happened next 'proof of his combat awareness'. The other paladins would call it 'flailing', or 'a lucky shot'. As he fell sideways, he swung out with his Bayard and struck Keith's face with the full weight of his laser rifle and falling momentum before hitting the ground hard. His Bayard clattered away. Keith twisted and stumbled. Lance kicked his right leg out and neatly tripped him. He fell backwards harder than Lance did, but similarly dropped his weapon.

Any sportsmanship present in this 'pirate fight' was defenestrated. Both paladins leapt at each other, tumbling and rolling on the ground as each sought to pin the other and pummel him into a traditional paladin meal looking mush.

The room was silent with a mixture of emotions as the trio stood in a circle leaning on various pieces of furniture, or in Shiro's case, the wall. Pidge was annoyed with a dash of upset. She stared between Shiro's and Hunk's feet leaning against the terminal. Shiro was a jigger of anger added to a pint of disappointment, served by staring between Hunk's and Pidge's feet. Hunk was a cocktail of sadness of his friends fighting, a tear over who to support, guilt that his knee jerk reaction was to support Lance, having known him longer, and reluctance to address the problem. Shaken, served by staring between Pidge's and Shiro's feet. Hunk was the first to speak.

"So…are we gonna, like, put them in time out or something? Because, you know, we can't really ground them and still form Voltron."

"What about couples therapy?" Snarked Pidge.

"Neither." Shiro replied without humor. He was tired of being team parent, especially considering it didn't involve any of the fun parts leading up to parenthood. "I'm going to give them a day or two and then see if they've calmed down before bringing it up." He pushed off and walked between Hunk and Pidge towards the door.

"Wait, that's it? Shouldn't we contact Coran and Allura, or something?" Hunk asked with some anxiousness in his voice standing to face Shiro.

"There's no reason to worry them while they're on their away mission. Besides, this is as close to a vacation we're going to get, it'll be good for those two to work through their differences. Now," Shiro gave one last grin at the other two before stepping out into the hall. "I think it's my turn at the television. "

What had once clearly been a kitchen now resembled a cross between a laboratory and grocery store. Nearly all of the counter space and a healthy portion of the floor were covered in devices, containers, instruments and foodstuffs. Pidge sat in a rare clear counter spot, stirring the end of some gadget in a bowl of white liquid. As good of a cook as Hunk was, she knew for a fact that his Altean was dismal, if extant, and it wouldn't do for him to mistake cyanide for almond meal. So far, it appeared Alteans had a much higher tolerance to alkaloids, and Pidge had set aside several items that would have made the paladins violently ill.

The digital readout fluctuated momentarily, and she watched halfheartedly. What had started out as a useful experiment and neat insight into Altean diet had quickly delved into a dull chore. Most of the food was edible, which probably wasn't surprising given-

 _Beep_

The gadget came to a conclusion and flashed a set of numbers and symbols. Sodium bicarbonate in dihydrogen monoxide. Baking soda and water. Harmless. Beneficial even. Pidge sighed loudly and rubbed her eyes under her glasses. She has tired. What's worse is she was _bored_. She was _bored_ of technology and science for today. And that was the worst part of being in space – when you had run through your normal interest, your options were severely limited.

Pidge ran through her options. She was too tired to do any training or studying, but not tired to go to sleep. She could hang out with Hunk but Hunk was best in small doses. It wasn't that he was mean or anything, but if he didn't share your interests, his responses on a subject were, at best, polite. Keith was even more antisocial than she was, and she doubted he was in the mood to socialize, given what had happened over dinner. Lance was…Lance. Boisterous, egotistical and stupid.

There was a small pang of guilt at that last one. Lance wasn't stupid, he was… impulsive. Not the kind of impulsive that led Keith to pilot Red, running on instincts, but the brutally honest kind with no filter, calling a spade a spade. His self-centeredness probably did more than she gave credit for in protecting her identity. Their team at the Garrison was only known for Lance, who was so embroiled in his own schemes and image he didn't have time to pry into Pidge's past. Of course, this meant he treated his team as a reflection of his self, making them one of the best teams there. Certainly not in performance, no, but in camaraderie they were light-years ahead of some. The competitiveness of the program meant that snooping, snitching and selling out were almost requirements to be in instructors' good graces. After all, the best way to keep above water was to stand on someone else. Pidge smiled at her luck at landing in that group.

So if Hunk, Keith and Lance were out, that left…

"PIDGE! COME QUICK" came Shiro's voice from somewhere down the hall, loud and urgent.

Pidge ran into the room Shiro was in after his second "HURRY PIDGE!" shout. He was sitting with his back to her as continued running towards him.

"Shiro! What's happening…" she trailed off as she took in the situation and realized what room she was in. A girl on the screen was looking around a small and colorful village.

 _"Toto? I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore"_

Shiro turned around smiling. "Hey Pidge! My family would watch this every year, and I thought you might like it." He scooted over and patted the seat next to him. "We're right near the beginning, so you haven't missed too much."

Pidge hesitated a moment before walking over and sitting down stiffly. "I'm not sure about this" she said slowly. "I was in the middle of an important experiment, with the food, because Altean physiology-"

"Is similar to humans, with a slightly higher tolerance for toxic materials" Shiro interrupted. Pidge stared.

"How did you-"

"Coran ran the tests himself, using me and Allura as tests. We pulled an all night study session on it, doing genetic and biological comparisons. I don't remember the exact specifics, but you can model Alteans as 'Human Plus'"

Here eyes opened in genuine surprise that someone had beaten her to research. "Huh. Interesting."

Shiro turned his attention back to the film. "Well, you know Coran. His words were closer to 'Inferior Alteans', but you get the idea."

With no other excuse, Pidge settled in and watched little people sing. Her enthusiasm dropped like a stone. "Great. A musical. I hate musicals."

"Come on, it's totally campy. Give it a chance."

A green woman was snarling at the young girl and threatening her little dog too.

"Huh. The bad guys here have weird skin too."

As a trio of a metal man, a straw man and the girl walked down the road Shiro got excited. He moved closer to Pidge and tried to match his pointed finger to her field of view.

"Hey Pidge, look a little above the middle of the screen. There's an ostrich there that escaped into the shooting, and they didn't notice until the scene was done!"

Pidge saw and thought a moment.  
"Why are we calling it a screen?"  
"What?"

"This" She said, gesturing towards the film. "It's a projecting, not a screen, but ever since we started picking up Earth signals we've been calling it a television or a screen. Why is that?"

Shiro thought a moment, looking back at the movie. Technically she was right, it was neither a television, nor did it display it's image on any physical surface. "I guess that's just what we're used to seeing things on. It reminds us of home, so we use the terms we're familiar with. Little returns to normalcy and familiarity."

"The resemblance is kind of funny isn't it?" Shiro asked.  
"What resemblance?"

"Think about it. You've got the four of them, right down to the big, yellow, scaredy-cat. He even has a ribbon on his head. That's Hunk down to a T. "

"Covered in black and the mean people threatened to kill you? Does that mean you're the dog?" Pidge playfully teased.

Shiro chuckled and continued. "There's the evil, strange colored witch, that's Haggar, a kind, beautiful, helpful witch, that's Allura." He held up his thumb and forefinger counting up. "The man who claims to have no feelings, but is emotional the whole time, that's Keith"

"Brainless Lance. And his messy hair when he's not hiding it under a helmet" Added Pidge. Shiro gave her a friendly glance.

"Be nice. Besides, like the Scarecrow, he's helpful and selfless when the situation calls for it. "  
Pidge rolled her eyes, and continued with the game. "Then theres the swarms of witch's minions. Galra Empire. So who's Coran? The Wizard?" She mimicked Coran's accent. "Here's an Altean shampoo. Oh yeah, turns your snot purple too. " She giggled. "And he's always at his console too"

Shiro laughed along and ruffled Pidge's hair. "And here we have our little girl trying to get back home. "

She stopped laughing. It stopped being funny for her. Shiro, in a rare occurrence of obliviousness, kept on chuckling. "And the Arusians, those are the Munchkins! They're small, and think we're more than we are! And the red shoes are Voltron!"

It was true, wasn't it? That's all she was, a little girl depending on others, just trying to get back to her family. Her eyes watered up, and threatened to drop tears. Her head dropped and try to hide, but her an unwilling sniffle gave her away.

He noticed that and stopped laughing. Shiro's heart dropped as he realized what he had said. He had compared a Paladin of Voltron to a little girl who spent a not-insignificant portion of screentime whining and crying, and dependent of others for help. He put his arm around her apologetically.  
"Pidge, I'm so sorry, I didn't-"

Pidge cut him off and threw her arms around his mid, hugging him tightly. He returned the gesture and gently put his arms around her shoulders.  
"I know I get by a lot on luck" she said, slightly muffled. "But I'm doing the best that I can to find Matt and Dad." She sniffled once more before pulling away and looking back up at Lance with eyes resolute.  
"And one day, I'm going to do it. I'll never stop, not so long as they're out there"

((A/N

Work sucks, and I'm just a lazy bum when it comes to writing.

The movie didn't play as strong of a role in this chapter, but I felt previous chapters focused too much on that and didn't get enough else in.

I'll try to get the next chapter out sooner than almost two months. ))


End file.
